Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Problems with sleep

Although I suppose this has very little to do with my creative learning process it does affect me and I thought I would post something about it. Sometimes I have particular trouble falling asleep because my mind seems to be racing. When I close my mind its as if lots of strings of ideas and visualizations just come streaming through. Sometimes the images are crystal clear sometimes they are not. Sometimes the thought is more of a feeling or more of a concept. Its during these extreme feelings of mania that I really can't control my mind at all though. What was even stranger is that when I finally did fall asleep I had an extremely vivid dream that took me by surprise. In the dream I went from being extremely comfortable and happy to extremely distressed in a matter of seconds. Its sort of weird how it happened but I was in this room playing with some cats and I was very happy and then well my cousin came over to me and smelled my hair. In my mind I knew it was my cousin but his face didn't actually resemble my cousins at all. After he smelled my hair he tried to lick it sort of like a dog(this is where it starts to make even less sense). I didn't want him to lick my head so I sort of pushed him away and told him gently not to. It was at this moment that my cousin dogman turned around and sort of fled because he felt bad or something. I was with this guy I know at the time also, someone who has been stressing me out recently (its a long story and one not worth really illuminating). After my cousin dogman seemed hurt I tried to console him but I only make him feel worse. This is when he starts to run away and this guy who was with me tries to stop him from leaving for the same reason I did(to make the dogman understand he didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't feel bad). This only freaks the dogman out even more until he is struggling and pretty much being held down. Its at this point that I really start to empathize with the dog and everything emotionally flips. The thing about empathy is that if its really working right you pretty much become another person for a bit and this is what happened to me at the end of the dream. I was utterly terrified and emotionally experiencing the dog's state yet I was looking at the dog from an outsiders perspective. Whats weird is that a lot of things that have been on my mind were part of the dream in some way or another. The guy, the dog(my roommate has this dog that is very loud), my cousin(my mom recently text-ed me that we'll be visiting them soon), and the bipolarity(something I've always struggled with).

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